I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
