I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
