Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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