Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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