Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize