It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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