All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
