i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
did you just send me my own nude
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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