So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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