Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
