never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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