can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
