hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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