I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
