maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
