is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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