I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
