i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
tell me about the eggs
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
