"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
