Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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