SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Oh god it's open bar.
Congratulations! We have a period
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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