i would punch a child for taco bell
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
