Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
