I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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