she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
