did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
