addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
