Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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