My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
