I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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