Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
