I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize