i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
