a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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