Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
