I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
