Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The feeling are messing with the penis
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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