uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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