allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
