Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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