It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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