Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
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You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
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And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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