every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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