im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
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I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
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As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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