if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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