My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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