What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
