i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
