you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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