so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
