This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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