community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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