I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Randomize
