Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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