I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
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Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
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This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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