I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
