All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
time to smoke my breakfast
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
