Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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