Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
