I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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