so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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