it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
