his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
