I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
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