She is in my trunk
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
