I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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