A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
