If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize