how hairy? two words: wookie tits
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
