are you so shy because you have an std?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
