Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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