The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
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