dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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