So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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