i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Randomize
