Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
