I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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