Just mADE A PArabola og urine
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
