you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I want her autograph on my taint
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
